Some High Quality Jokes

What did Mason say to Dixon?

We've got to draw the line here!

Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood. He had to walk 8 miles to school every day!
"Well, he should have gotten up earlier and caught the schoolbus like everyone else!"

Did you know Lincoln's assassin had a table in a diner named after him?
They call it the John Wilkes Booth.

What is the fruitiest subject at school?

"History, because it's full of dates!"

Not really pertinent to US History, but...

How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars!